THE U!

[sickman]

Card #22

Paragon of Virtue

Janus: “Narcotik; it was absolutely disgusting the way you lost last month to Andromeda Dragon.”

Paragon: “Which is why you put the Citadel Crown on the line against G.Q. Stratus. Good luck.”

Magnifico vs. Nemean: Magnifico has fallen out of favor in a big way in the eyes of Janus and Paragon. Magnifico is absolutely dominate and wins following a “split-legged corkscrew”.

Janus and Paragon sarcastically give Magnifico a round of applause from the luxury suite.

Move The Crowd vs. Time Travelers: Grillz hit CPC with “Yeah!”. He went for the pin and Tyrro made the save . The ref called for the bell and awarded the match to Move The Crowd.

Paranoia vs. Shock and Claw: Manic gets disqualified for his “Manic Attack” on Shell Shocker. Janus calls for them to “destroy those filthy animals”. Manic thought about it briefly but Fringe talked him out of it.

Janus: “Their will be consequences you insolent fools.”

Tiberius Cota vs Saint Bernard: It took two “CLOTHESLINE FROM DOGGY HEAVEN” to put Tiberius Cota down. Janus and Paragon are absolutely livid.

Rolex vs. Parox: Back and forth match that Rolex wins after a “Cataclysm Bomb”.

Citadel of the Elite Crown
Narcotik ( C) vs G.Q. Stratus: Narcotik was ready and focused. Back and forth to start. Stratus gained control and locked on the “STRATUS SPHERE LOCK”. Narcotik was in agony but managed to reach the ropes to break it. A short while later, Stratus again locked on the “STRATUS SPHERE LOCK” and Narcotik tapped. G.Q. Stratus is the new Citadel of the Elite Crown holder.

Janus and Paragon high five.

[sickman]

Card #23

Roswell Spectrum, Earth

Last month at an All Earth Zone event; The nCo jumped Pride and a couple others. A couple weeks later, the group of AEZ wrestlers sent a video message throughout the cosmos. The nCo were invited to come to the next AEZ event for a series of one on one matches, headlined by the Earth World Champ, Pride vs the “greatest Earth World Champ of all time” Hollywood Superstar.

Mot: “We have an unprecedented evening for you fans. The wrestlers in the All Earth Zone issued the challenge and it has been accepted. The members of the nCo will be here this evening to face the wrestlers of the AEZ. Blade Machismo will face Atlas. Ares vs Olympus. 3 time defending Sudden Death Champion Achilles will take on Freak Out. And the Main Event will be a non title match between Pride and Hollywood Superstar. And much more.”

Kram: “I can not wait. The nCo will dominate tonight, I guarantee it.”

Move The Crowd vs Lucky Day: Sengoku comes out in his nCo shirt. Even though he is an initiate of the nCo, Irish Heat remains loyal. Lucky Day comes away with a victory when Sengoku hits Grillz with “BURNING LARIAT” and Deftone is unable to make the save.

Blade Machismo vs Atlas: Atlas and Machismo go back and forth but Atlas gains the advantage and wins via an “ATLAS BOMB”.

Mot: “Blade Machismo put up a hell of a fight but Atlas was triumphant.”

Kram: “Machismo was robbed.”

Bobby Roberts vs Joe Olson: Back and forth match. These two are rivals and it shows with how well they know each other. Lots of reversals. Joe Olson finally gets the upper hand and it takes a second “BUTTERFLY SUPLEX” for the win.

Ares vs Olympus: Olympus got in a little offense but Ares was overall dominant. “STAND YOUR GROUND” did not get the job done but “SPARTAN SPEAR” did.

Mot: “The AEZ is looking good in their match ups with the nCo tonight.”

Kram: “It won’t matter when Hollywood beats up Pride tonight.”

“Hardcore” Jim Steel vs Dr. Payne: These two have a tremendous history. Dr. Payne showed why he is one of the best in the galaxy as he locked in “PAYNE GAME” for the win.

Achilles vs Freak Out: Freak Out with the help of Gorgeous Jorge, uses a “knee to back” which hits just right as Freak Out gains the victory.

Kram: “Oooooohhhhh Yeah, can you dig it?”

Mot: “That’s Achilles’ first loss in The U.”

Pride vs Hollywood Superstar: If Hollywood wins, he gets a shot at the Earth World Title. An incredible match. Pride had early control. “PATRIOT MISSLE” for a two. A couple of other pin attempts for a two. Another “PATRIOT MISSLE” for a long two. Hollywood takes control. He hammers Pride with everything he has. But he can’t finish the job. Pride comes back and hits the “PRIDE PUMP HANDLE SLAM” for the win.

Kram: “Pride held the tights!”

Mot: “Incredible match! Pride defends his honor and the honor of the AEZ. And the nCo go down!”

[sickman]

Card #24



Sudden Death Championship:
Achilles is waiting for the randomizer to pick his opponent. It lands on…Blindside. Achilles dominates winning with “A Hero’s Fate” for his fifth successive defense of the Sudden Death Championship.

A split screen shot of Andrea, the SOS Champion, and Irish Bratz, getting ready for their Title match later this evening.

Solstice vs Nemesis: These two put on a hell of a match. Nemesis with “SWEET REVENGE” but Solstice gets to the ropes. Eventually Nemesis gets DQ’d for extracarriculars outside the ring.

Miss Black vs Pitch Black: Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Pitch Black strikes with “EVENOMATION” and does not use the stinger which almost cost him as Miss Black kicks out and fights back. She gets another chance and this time when she hits “EVENONATION” she uses the stinger for the win.

Fang Banger vs. Nightmare Nikki: Fang Banger wins after “Beauty Trap”.

Lone Star vs Sabre: Sabre wins via a “Whip Saw Kick”.

SOS Championship:
Andrea ( c) vs Irish Bratz: Over a foot in height difference, 230 lbs in weight difference. The two friends shake hands before the match and they battle. Bratz starts out quickly but Andrea gains the advantage. The powerhouse hits Bratz with everything but she won’t go down. Bratz comes back and hits a “CELTIC EYE BOMB” but the champ kicks out. Another “CELTIC EYE BOMB” but Andrea again kicks out. Andrea comes back. But Bratz resiliency is special. Bratz locks in a “British Crab” but Andrea gets out. A short time later, with Andrea favoring her back, Bratz locks in another “British Crab”. Andrea is forced to tap! The winner and NEW SOS CHAMP, IRISH BRATZ!!

Bratz helps Andrea up and the two embrace. Andrea leaves to allow Irish Bratz the spotlight.

[sickman]

Card #25


Last month the Masked Assassins dominated the Titans to the tune of a 16 to 2 point differential. Can the Titans recover?

Forlorn vs Akuma: Akuma is in control until he is derailed by a suicide dive gone awry. Forlorn hits a couple of “TITAN DROP”s but can not prevail. Akuma comes back with the Ninja Mist for the victory. Masked Assassins gain 3 points.

Kanazawa vs Quakenbush: Both men put up a great effort. In the end though, it was a second “QUAKENDRIVER II” for the victory. Titans gain 3 points.

Harm and Exzcutioner vs Titan Bulldogs: Titan Kid II nails a huge “SUPER DIVING HEADBUTT’ to Harm. Exzcutioner attempts a pin save but is thwarted. The Titan Bulldogs with a quick victory. Titans gain 4 points.

Revelation vs Hoodlum: Hoodlum reverses, gains momentum, and stays there. Hoodlum with a second “CHAOS THEORY” for the win. Assassins gain 2 points

Titan Turncoats vs Ariel Foundation: Ariel Foundation, the Ring of Saturn Tag Champs, answer the call, defeating the Turncoats when Flash pins Y2K Kid Rumble. The Titans gain 2 points.

The Flying Titans turned things around this month. The Titans gained 9 points to the Assassins 5. Overall, The Assassins hold a 21 to 11 points lead.

[sickman]

**Notes from The U**

**Paragon and Janus have put his guys against "those filthy animals" with varying results. Two time reigning Leader Of The Pack Champ Pandemonium has issued a challenge of his own. He wants The Elite Champ, GQ Stratus.

**The nCo have been very quite since they were defeated at the hands of members of the AEZ. With Hollywood Superstar's agressive pursuit of the All Earth Title and the defeat at the hands of Pride; where does he go now?

[sickman]

Card #26

Impossible Tournament for the Leader Of The Pack Trophy

Bracket one: Two time reigning champ Pandemonium, Jack Rabbid, Chuck The Roo, Markhor

Pandemonium vs Chuck The Roo: Upset city as Chuck The Roo absolutely dominates the big Panda. Repeated “pick up and slam”s and then a “knockout punch” for the victory.

Chuck The Roo vs Markhor: Second upset in a row as Markhor uses “PROXIMATE CAUSE” to down the Roo.

Chuck The Roo vs Jack Rabbid: Chuck losses two in a row after his masterful victory over Pandamonium. “HARE STOMP” for the win.

Pandemonium vs Markhor: Pandamonium is on the wrong end again, “flying pounce” by Markhor for the win. Assures Pandamonium is out.

Pandamonium vs Jack Rabbid: Pandamonium goes 0-3!! “Jackrabbit Moonsault” for the victory.

Jack Rabbid vs Markhor: Winner advances. Spd vs pwr. Spd wins. Jack Rabbid wins via “Andromeda Drop”.

Jack Rabbid wins Bracket One. Assured of a new LOTP Trophy Winner.

**Promotors note** I just drew 16 cards at random. I could not have put together 4 cards that would generate that result. Shocked.

Bracket Two: Powerslam, Cernunnos, Chilly Fu, Trash Animan

Cernunnos vs Powerslam: Powerslam is pretty dominate, finishing it with a “FULL POWERSLAM”.

Chilli Fu vs Cernunnos: Cernunnos with a huge win over the martial arts master. “Turnbuckle choke slam” for the victory.

Cernunnos vs Trash Animan: Back to back wins for Cernunnos puts him in the driver seat. “EXISTENCE IS FUTILE” for the win.

Powerslam vs Trash Animan: Both powerhouses connected on big shots. Trash Animan was able to survive when he powerbombed Powerslam on the concrete floor leading to a countout victory.

Chilly Fu vs Powerslam: Chilly Fu with the “CHILLY CHOP SUEY” for the win.

Chilly Fu vs Trash Animan: Chilly Fu with another “CHILLY CHOP SUEY” for the win.

Cernunnos and Chilly Fu were both 2-1 but because of Cernunnos victory over Chilly Fu, Cernunnos advances.

Bracket 3: Tusk, Tortalis, Cuddley Claw, Ram Jam

Ram Jam vs Tusk: Tusk makes quick work of the ram with “BONECRUSHER”.

Tortalis vs Tusk: Tortalis grabs Tusk in a small package for the upset win.

Ram Jam vs Tortalis: Tortalis makes it two in a row with a “FLYING SHELL SENTON” for the win.

Ram Jam vs Cuddley Claw: Cuddley Claw fell asleep and Ram Jam took advantage and pinned him

Cuddley Claw vs Tortalis: Cuddley Claw comes back from nappy time and hits the “619 Koala Kick” for the victory.

Tusk vs Cuddley Claw: If Tusk wins, Tortalis advances. If CC wins, he advances. Tusk wins via the “BONECRUSHER” spoiling CC’s chances of going on. Tortalis advances.

Bracket 4: Umagapotamus, Bullet, Razor Sharp, Harris

Umagapotamus vs Harris: Harris wins when Umagapotamus goes too far outside the ring.

Harris vs Bullet: Harris makes it two in a row when he nails Bullet with a “running powerbomb” for the pin.

Razor Sharp vs Bullet: Bullet hit “BULLETPROOF” twice but Razor Sharp was able to kick out. Razor Sharp then threw Bullet out of the ring and nailed a huge powerbomb. Bullet could not return before the countout.

Harris vs Razor Sharp: Harris dominates Razor Sharp. He goes for “GOAL!” but misses. He regains momentum and goes for “GOAL!” again, this time hitting for the win. Harris wins all three matches for the sweep and the winner of this bracket.

Championship Bracket: Jack Rabbid, Cernunnos, Tortalis, Harris

Tortalis vs Harris: Tortalis continues his impressive run, hitting Harris with the “FLYING SHELL SENTON”.

Harris vs Jack Rabbid: Incredible match. Multiple reversals from both competitors. Jack Rabbid was able to gain a pin following the “Andromeda Drop”.

Jack Rabbid vs Cernunnos: Cernunnos is victorious via a “turnbuckle choke slam”

Cernunnos vs Harris: Harris goes 0-3 as Cernunnos gains the victory following a “flying backbreaker”.

Tortalis vs Jack Rabbid: Jack Rabbid gains the victory with a “HARE STOMP”.

Cernunnos vs Tortalis: Winner is the Leader of the Pack Champion. Tortalis does the unthinkable, but then again, this whole impossible tournament was unthinkable. Tortalis comes off the ropes and nails a cross body for the 1-2-3! Tortalis is the LOTP winner.

[sickman]

Card #27

A great card this evening. Speed Zone Champ Blue Tornado goes against Shitake Jr. in a non title match. Mr. Vega and Illustrious bring their feud to the Speed Zone. And Morbid make his SZ debut; next!

Morbid vs Undercover Alien: Morbid is dominant in his debut going up top multiple times, finally winning with a crossbody from the top.

La Vuelta vs Andromeda Dragon: La Vuelta locks on the “CHOKE TRASERO de DESNUDO” but Dragon gets free. La Vuelta locks it in again and Dragon taps.

“This is Todd Grisham. I’m here with Chalupacabra. Chalupa, you still have not answered the questions concerning your involvement with the Masked Assassins.”

Chalupacabra: “I don’t know what you are talking about. That was an imposter.”

Grisham: Do you have any proof?”

Chalupacabra: “Other than my word; no”

Mr. Vega vs Illustrious: Mr Vega makes it two in a row against his nemesis. “LET IT RIDE” for the win.

Dread Pirate vs Mike Quakenbush: The Dread Pirate is dominant and “DEAD MAN’S CHEST” for the win.

Grisham: “I am here with the Speed Zone Champion, Blue Tornado. BT, you have a non title match this evening against Shittake Jr. How are you feeling champ?”

Blue Tornado: “I feel good Todd. I will wrestle on every card. I’m a fighting champion and if anyone happens to beat me, they will get a title shot on the very next card.”

Torq vs Chronoking: Torq made it to the finals but he could not get past the Tornado. Chronoking was beat by Blue Tornado in the semis. Torq shows why he has had two championship matches as he uses consecutive “TORQ-SAULT BOMB”s for the victory.

Blue Tornado ( C) vs Shittake Jr.: Non title match. “jumping roundhouse kick” followed by “MUSHROOM DRIVER” and Shittake Jr. wins in two moves. Blue Tornado gets up and looks disgusted but he extends his hand and Shittake Jr. shake hands! The two will face next month for the Speed Zone Title.

[sickman]

Card #28

Promoters note: I am changing the format of my UFZ Shows. I will be using the 5 minute three round format for matches and five rounds for the Title matches.

Mike Goldberg: “Welcome to UFZ 3. I’m Mike Goldberg and this is Joe Rogan. An exciting show this evening as Dr. Payne defends his title against Virus.”

Rogan: “I feel like Virus has a very good chance at defeating Dr. Payne this evening.”

Stryker vs Pullos: Stryker making his UFZ debut tonight. Pullos spoils the debut. He locks on the “CHICKEN CHOKE” and forces Stryker to tap out at 1:18 in the first round.

Castaway vs Pi: Round One: Castaway got the better of the round as he stayed on offense the better part of the five minutes. Round Two: All Castaway; he was on Pi from the beginning. Round Three: Incredible comeback by Pi. It took a second “TRANSCENDENTAL PLANE” but Pi did it.

Totalis vs Ripper: Round One: Totalis is dominant winning with “FINAL ROUND” at 2:48 in round one.

Rogan: “Totalis looked like the fighter we all know him to be.”

La Vuelta vs Mad One: Round one: La Vuelta blasts The Mad One with a “right hook” and then locks on “CHOKE TRASERO de DESNUDO” for the win at 3:37 of the first round.

Rogan: “La Vuelta is on a great run. He may be in for a title shot very soon.”

UFZ Title Match
Dr. Payne vs Virus: Round One: Virus starts out in control but Dr. Payne reverses. Payne works over Virus and locks in a “kimura” but Virus gets free. Virus takes over and hits “CHAOS THEORY” but Payne breaks free. Then “PANDEMIC” and Payne again breaks free. The bell rings for the end of the round. Round Two: At 3:40, Dr. Payne picked up and slammed Virus down and then caught him with a right that knocked Virus out. Dr. Payne retains the UFZ Title.

[sickman]

Card #29

Danger Zone

Sudden Death Championship:
Achilles (c ) vs : The randomizer goes through the motions and stops on Tiberius Cota. Achilles will not relinquish the Sudden Death Championship. “Clash of the Titans” for the victory.

Varsity is in the ring: “I’d like to beg your indulgence for a moment. I’m Varsity and I’m here to clean up this wretched place. The wrestling world has no use for the filth that goes on in this federation. So this challenge goes to anyone in the back that wants to get the technical beating they deserve.”

The lights go out. A few seconds pass when suddenly a flame in the form of a bird appears seemingly out of thin air above the ring. When the lights come back on, standing in the ring is The Crow!!

Varsity vs Crow: Both guys were bloodied in the first minute just from what Crow did. Varsity, seizing an opportunity, albeit hypocritically; grabs a golf club from the trash can of weapons and breaks it over Crow’s back. Then hits “BY THE BOOK” for the victory.

King of Hardcore vs Astro Creep: King of Hardcore gains control, hits “HARDCORE DECREE” and that’s it folks!

Hardcore Jim Steel vs Necro Butcher of Aethra: Hardcore Jim Steel is victorious after a “big leg drop”.

Crooked Heels vs Taste of Ink: Before the match, “Devious” Scott DeVille talks about how he should be next in line to take on Abattoir for the Danger Zone Championship. As the match starts, DZ Champion Abattoir makes his way out. Sledgend was absolutely destroyed. Not able to make a tag, Hellstone and DeVille had there way with the wrestler from Orion. Deville put him away after grinding a barbed wire baseball bat on his skull and then using it to drop an elbow on him.

Torn vs Grash: Both wrestlers were busted open. Grash was able to get the better of the two and after a second “STEEL BELTING”, Grash grabs the win.

[sickman]

Card #29

Honey Bunny vs Nemesis: A back and forth match that neither could get significant control of. Finally just seconds before the 15 minute time limit, Honey Bunny delivered a “HONEY BUNNY POWERBOMB” for the victory.

Sabre and Princess Persephone are backstage. Sabre: “We are so sick of the goody two shoes at the top in this fed. Irish Bratz and Andrea, we can beat you and we are here to challenge you to a tag match here tonight.” Persephone: “Bring it “ladies’!”

Amaranth vs Solstice: Solstice goes on a run but can’t finish Amaranth with two straight “ANNIHILATOR”s. It finally takes a “Extermination” to finish the job. 9:25

Irish Bratz and Andrea: Bratz: “You know how you get to the top Sabre and Persephone? Win! Maybe if you did more of that, you’d be at the top.” Andrea: “In other words, we accept.”

Fang Banger vs Stunning Steph: Fang Banger goes up top for a cross body but Steph rolls through. It then takes a second straight “STUN GUN” for the win. 7:08

Lone Star vs Pitch Black: Pitch Black had Star beat a couple times but Star was able to kick out at the very last instance. Lone Star used her superior agility to launch herself out side the ring at Black. She rolled her inside where Lone Star set up and connected with the “STAY STRONG SUPERKICK” for the long two count. She then went up top and nailed a huge “DYING STAR” +6 for the win. 13:36

Andrea and Irish Bratz vs Princess Persephone and Sabre: Princess Persephone was beaten by both Andrea and Bratz. Bratz goes for the cover and gets two. As Bratz hits “Leap of Faith” and goes for the cover, Sabre makes the save. In the melee, Honey Bunny storms the ring and goes after Andrea hitting her with Persephones scepter. Andrea goes down in a heap and Bunny continues the assault while Sabre and Persephone attack Irish Bratz. The refs and security finally come out to break it up. Honey Bunny can be heard screaming, “You’re mine Andrea; you’re mine!!”