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Post by Todd on Apr 18, 2011 9:12:26 GMT -5
Great stuff Vidtek
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Post by Vidtek on Apr 20, 2011 23:51:08 GMT -5
Setting Orange, Discord 37, YOLD 3177 W3 Card #14: Live from The Ar3na! (The following three matches were taped for the W3's online show) Big Blossom beats Rhinestone Cowgirl with FLYING FAIRY FLOP. Roided Up Savage-T crushes Dragula with a super kick. The Half-Men get a Shermer, Illinois ghetto beatdown by the Criptown Bloods (Icey Hot and Funky Fresh) when they hit STR8 OUTTA SHERMER (The intro vid is shown along woth a recap of SPOTFEST! After the vid we cut to a shot of Phatback's office. Johnny Satan and Suzy Succubus enter. Phatback was on the phone, he hangs up.) JS: Well, hello Phineus. How are you tonight? PTP: Look, Johnny, I've got a show to run. Can you make this quick? JS: Of course. With the recent disappearance of your newly crowned champion, you're going to need a new champ. And I, Phineus, am your...man...so to speak. (Phineus sputters) PTP: What? What are you talking about? My champion is fine. that was just a...lighting malfunction to cover his exit from the ring. He didn't want to get mobbed by fans. JS: A likely story. We all know how much you hate Manley. But if you say he's fine, OK. But Phineus...I want a title shot! PTP: Don't worry, Johnny. I'll give you a shot...after next week. JS: WHAT?! PTP: I've got something special planned for next week. If you can make it through next week without making a scene, I'll give you the shot. If not, you'll just have to earn it for the next Pay-Per-View. SS: Come on, bealze-baby, how hard can it be? I know how well you can control your...urges... JS: All right, Phineus, you have a deal. But cross me, and I swear you will have to give the devil his due. (The two of the leave, but not before Suzy sops to burn a hole in the middle of Phatback's door.) PTP: ARGH! (Picks up the phone) Yes, I need someone up here to replace my door...YES AGAIN! (Down at ringside it's Undercover Alien and Buddy Hotpants.) UA: Well not sure what all that was about, but after last week's SPOTFEST pay-per-view and it's ominous ending it seems that Flex Manley is ok. BH: Well I can't say I'm happy. I mean, Mona's secret admirer said they would take care of him. If they didn't, then what really happened? UA: I don't know, but we've got a great bit of action here tonight. Let's get to it! Fighting Mad Hippie is in the ring spouting off something about recycling and hitting on Millie Swimsuit when Antoinne Le Bastard makes his way to the ring. He climbs in the ring, takes the mic and saysVous, hippie, odeur aimez le chanvre très vieux et l'échec. Soutenez svp vers le bas maintenant et congé ainsi je peux prendre ce femme et lui montrer un meilleur temps alors vous pourriez jamais. THis gets Hippie fighting mad and he attacks Antoinne! But Le Bastard regains the upper hand and puts away the action-packed activist with his BRAIN BASTARD BH: I'm not sure I like this new guy Fifi is hanging out with. UA: Buddy, do I hear a hint of jealousy? BH: What? No! I just don't think he has the right kind of fashion sense. (Backstage there is yelling and running! It seems someone has beaten the utter tar out of Shiitaki, Jr.! His body looks broken and his face is covered in...BLUEBERRY PIE!) UA: OH MAH GAWD! Shiitaki, Jr.'s been broken in half! BH: I'm not sure who did that, but I'm not sure the locker room is safe anymore. The Dog Pound hits the ring where Future Echos is already standing. After grandstanding to the crowd a bit, the former Tandem champs make an example out of Ace Gespatcho, taking him down with a DOUBLE DOG PILE UA: Well Pillchard and Boston Terror are looking to move back up the Tandem title rankings and get those straps back! BH: I hope they are both housebroken. But then again I am more of a cat person. (In the ladies locker room Mona Mammeries is sobbing to a concerned looking Eager Beaver) MM: And then *sniff* he was just gone! *sniff* I don't know what happened. EB: Oh, there there Mona. Here, maybe a hug will help you. MM: *sniff* O *sniff* K. (The two women hug, with Mona facing away from the camera and Beaver facing the camera. A strange smile crosses Eager Beaver's face.) Up next, Johnny Satan puts his Jagged Edge title on the line in a tournbuckle shock match against Koala Bruce. Both men put on a good effort but in the end it is Satan getting the three count with a BEALZE-BOMB to keep his title BH: Well that match was certainly shocking! Haha. UA: Yes, Buddy, a masterful joke. You truely are the queen of color-commentary. BH: I do think I'm getting the hang of this. UA: And only after seven weeks. BH: What does that mean? (Back in the back it seems another victim of a vicious assault is found! This time it's MONKEY CHAN! He's laying on the cold, concrete floor...FACE DOWN IN A RHUBARB PIE!) UA: This is getting out of hand, don't we have any security around here? BH: Are you kidding? The closest thing we have to security around here is... (In Phatback's office, Phineus slams the phone down. From around the corner of the door frame {in the midst of repair} comes...) KH1: Helloooo... KH2: Helloooooo..... KH3: Helloooooooo...... KH(together): Hello! PTP: I don't have time for this schtick! Look, Knuckleheads, I pay you good money to be security around here! KH3: But boss, we're doing a bang up job! KH1: I'll show you a bang up job. Knucklehead One smacks Knucklehead Two in the face) PTP: KNOCK IT OFF! Someone is beating my talent up with pies! Get out there and find out who it is! NOW! KH (together): You got it, boss! (The Knuckleheads leave. Phineus sits down and rubs the bridge of his nose) The Crapivores are in the ring waiting on their opponents. Unfortunately for Chalupacabra, his partner for the night was Monkey Chan! But Chalupacabra is a trooper and tries to take on both of the big, bad bugs by himself. However, Monkey Chan coes out from the back! Only...it's not Monkey Chan...or it is, but Eep-Eep is carrying him down to the ring. As La Cucaracha Grande throws Chalupacabra into the turnbuckle, Eep-Eep makes Chan tag into the match. The maniac monkey tosses Chan into the ring. Blind Pew can't tell that Chan is out cold and allows the tag! Grande just looks down at him, covers and get the three count. UA: Well...uh...the Crapivores win. BH: I'm starting to think there is something wrong with that little chimp. UA: Eep-Eep? BH: No, Blind Pew. (As the ring clears and Eep-Eep drags Money Chan out, Phineus T. Phatback comes out to the ring. The fan reaction is mixed. He gets into the ring and get handed a mic.) PTP: Thank you W3 Galaxy! That's the name I've been working on for you, the loyal W3 fan base! Soon it'll be on t-shirts and other merchandise. But that's not why I'm out here. I'm out here for three reasons, which is fitting and you'll know why soon! First, I want to assure everyone that Flex Manley is just fine following a technical malfunction at SPOTFEST. In fact he will be in the main event of our next W3 program! (The fans cheer, but Phatback looks like he's sweating a bit) Second, next week I have aranged a special musical guest! Performing live here at The Ar3na next week is...Finnish heavy metal sensations LORDI! (The fans cheer again {UA: Well that explains Phatback's warning to Johnny Satan earlier.} And Third... (Before Phineus can announce the third reason he's out there Knucklehead Two comes sailing out from behind the curtain, covered in APPLE PIE! The other two Knuckleheads are tossed out after KH2, both smeared in SWEET POTATO PIE AND CHERRY PIE! Out from the back come the roar of an angry geriatric giant as Gamma Granny storms out from the back! It looks like the mystery of who was beating down wrestlers has been solved! Granny stomps and fumes her way to the ring as Phatback bails. Granny picks up the time keeper's table and is about to chuck it at the fans when suddenly she's stopped...by gum! A woman with pink hair comes leaping up from the crowd. A few others come out from various areas too, a rock-man, a guy in a metal suit and a man wearing his underpants outside his pants. The fans start chanting as they know who they are! IT'S THE LEAGUE SQUAD!) UA: Well Granny seems upset over once again failing to capture the W3 title, and she was taking it out on the roster backstage! BH: But look who is here to stop her! Gumslinger, Elemental P, Mean Machine and Captain Wonderpants, the LEAGUE SQUAD! Super heroes of the first order! UA: I hope they are, cause she's going to bring the house down if they can't stop her! Gamma Granny squares off with the four members of the League Squad. Gumslinger tries to restrain her with more gum, but Granny breaks free and crushes her with a Thunderclap Bell Ringer! Mean Machine and Elemental P try next and together they are able to execute the LEAGUE SQUAD GO! tandem move! It's unable to keep Granny down and she comes back to rock the rockman with and Alabama Slam and crumples the super man in a can with a double choke lift and throw! Now it's just down to Gamma Granny and the leader of the League Squad, Captain Wonderpants. Granny charges and starts of strong, even tieing Wonderpants up in [colr=red]THE GRANNY KNOT[/color], but Wonderpants is able to escape and fight back! He finally is able to pick up the ponderous pie-maker and execute his WONDERPLEX! The rest of the League Squad collects themselves anf finally subdue the frenzied Ms. Fopp. The crowd cheers as they take away her unconcious form!) UA: WHOO BOY! That was a spittlebuster if I ever saw one! Granny was going to take this place apart! It's a good thing the League Squad was here to save the day! BH: No kidding! I was fearing for our lives. Mine more that yours of course, but still! To think I could have gone out getting crushed by an elderly woman. UA: A gamma irradiated elderly women. BH: Still... UA: Well, hopefully we will know more next week! What has become of the champ? What will happen to Gamma Granny? And what was Phineus Phatback's last announcement? BH: Answers to all that and a live performance by LORDI! UA: Next time on W3! For Buddy Hotpants, I'm Undercover Alien saying goodnight from The Ar3na!
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